


Mister Wind's Woman

by NotTheHotPot



Category: Original Work
Genre: Awkward Crush, Awkward Romance, Comedy, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Hot Weather, Humor, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Internet, One Shot, Other, Slow Romance, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Weird Biology, Weirdness, What Was I Thinking?, Why Did I Write This?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-30
Updated: 2020-09-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 01:28:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,165
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26727463
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotTheHotPot/pseuds/NotTheHotPot
Summary: The wind has come to life... and he needs help to land a date with the woman he's fallen for.
Relationships: Wind/Woman





	Mister Wind's Woman

[Mister Wind]:  
I'm not blowing hot air when I say I'm kind of a big deal.

I'm blowing hot air because I'm the wind, call me Mister Wind.

"But Mister Wind!" you might be shouting if you're properly respectful but don't understand how computers work, "Isn't wind just heated up air moving up and cold air moving down?" to which I have to say.. Yeah pretty much- it's a bit more complicated but thems the basics.

"But aren't you the wind, can't you hear everything?" You might ask in return- how did you know what I was going to type I wonder? In any case I'm not all the wind, I'm what wind I choose to focus on being- often not more than a breeze. Do you <want me hearing you constantly or something?

"But Mister Wind, what are you even doing pretending to be some big-shot then?" you might say if you're particular addled and in a mood to rhyme to which I'd have to answer... It's your fault.

People that talk about me like I'm alive brought me the wind into sentience.

People that curse the wind taking away their umbrella's and newspapers, people wishing for a cool breeze on a hot day.

A stressed person smacking about a blow dryer desperate to dry their hair but it's on the fritz again.

I was created by that. It's a windfall of power to land in a newborn deities lap, I limit myself so I don't hurt trees.

"That's weird Mister Wind." You might tell me if you're not only crazy for coconuts and believe me but are mean too.

Still, I kind of agree though I'd prefer you call me unique instead- I like trees, I like them less when I can't playful blow on them making their leaves flutter about.

"Is there Miss Wind?" You might ask if you're romantic interests are particularly bizarre.

I had a fling with a plastic bag a time or two, does that count?

There might be someone I'm interested in but she's not my wife, not yet at least...

"Stop sending hurricanes Mr Wind!" You might demand.

Wish I could- I can control a lot but the whole world's wind at once is a stretch. I prevent dozens of hurricanes a year already you know- I'm doing my best.

"But Mister Wind, the burden of proof is on you! Where's the evidence you've done a thing!" You might complain if you're in the debate team... to which I say blow me. I don't mind if no one believes me or in me- I'm created it's done- I'm okay going with the flow otherwise.

A lifted skirt here, a jinxed baseball team there.

Whatever catches my attention really.

Thanks for all the balloons by the way.

"But Mister Wind, those weren't for you meanie! Give em back!" You might yell at me like a madman. Too bad! These balloons are mine. You guys are the ones littering, finder's keepers!

"This is stupid Mister Wind, where's the story!" You might bitterly complain. I was getting to it but someone asked about hurricanes and we got sidetracked.... 

I'm the wind, I'll go anywhere I can and blow off anywhere I don't to be... but you have a point I admit. 

I might be going a bit insane by myself, but I'm also echos you know so it's hard to tell.

But.. well, it is kind of lonely and more importantly I met someone.

Well, I say I met someone but it's more like I spied on someone.

She's frankly perfect and she likes me too.

She blows dandelions and has wind chimes on her tree.

She loves feeding birds and playing Frisbee with dogs.

Always wears a skirt.

Except when hang gliding or skydiving.

Best of all those rare days she flies a kite, her smile as she runs- 

I have it bad guys.

Frankly.. I don't know what to do about it.

I thought I knew... I blew her skirt up and.. I felt jealous other people saw more than I enjoyed it. I did enjoy it though, very much so!

I just don't know what to do!

How does the wind date a human?

* * *

[Gondolite]:  
Are you high?

* * *

[Mister Wind]:  
Actually I'm quite low right now, dropping things on a keyboard is hard enough without doing it from the sky, I'm in a closed net cafe.

* * *

[Gondolite]:  
....  
Thems some good drugs.

* * *

[Mister Wind]:  
The closest thing I take to drugs is helium though?

* * *

[Bromaster69]:  
Wind's roleplaying bro, chillax.

Wind-Bro, you should try gaining a human form and asking her out!

* * *

[ImNotABear]:  
You should eat her.

* * *

[Mister Wind]:  
I don't mind if you think I'm roleplaying if it gets me good advice, thank you... Become a human... Huh. Don't know if I can do it but it doesn't hurt to try, thanks.

Are you sure you're not a bear ImNotABear? That sounds like something a bear would say... Anyway yes, I want to eat her and will try but I don't think we mean it in the same way.

* * *

[ImNotABear]:  
Of course I'm not a bear. On an unrelated note can you tell me where there are any unattended picnic baskets?

* * *

[Mister Wind]:  
Hello again everyone. Thanks to some advice from last time I became human. Well- I tried, spawned a tornado or two. Thankfully I found out I can possess people, who should I possess to get a girlfriend though?

Imnotabear, sorry it took so long to get back to you- no not really- try Yellowstone National Park, I think I saw one on my way over.

* * *

[LunkyDonkey]:  
He's become evil, everyone for yourselves!

* * *

[Mister Wind]:  
I'm not evil though? I just want to spend time with he one I like...

* * *

[ACreativeName]:  
Possessing people's bad mkay, you shouldn't do it mkay.

* * *

[LeoDeCapAGoat]:  
Don't listen to them Mister Wind, posses a coma victim or something- someone without stds about the age of your girlfriend to be. Check long care wards and shit.

* * *

[Mister Wind]:  
Sounds good thanks!

* * *

  
[GoosedFraedandBahed]:  
Should.. should we be worried guys?

* * *

[Deleted]:  
Nah, it'll be fine... probably. Worst case scenario hospital security will arrest a nutter blowing coma patients.

Edit:  
...Did... Did anyone else see the news report of the flying man in the hospital gown flashing Seattle? The hospital superman streaker with a super salami can't be Mister Wind... Right? 

I'm sorry Mister Wind, I didn't mean anything before!

* * *

[Mister Wind]:  
We're getting married! 

  
Oh, yeah that was me, don't worry, it was a cold wind that day, it turns out it gets even bigger- that cheers me up more than enough not to be mad at you. Better yet, my fiance likes it too! 

* * *

[Mister Wind]:  
I wasn't supposed to say that for some reason, she does like it though so why is she mad now? I don't get women guys, a little help?

* * *

[NotABear]:  
...Have you tried eating her?

* * *

[Mister Wind]:  
I offered but she's not in the mood, man this blows.


End file.
